Friday, August 31, 2012

wibbley-wobbley swing

I've always loved to swing. When I was little someone put lengths of an old green hose over the chains of my swing on our little swingset to protect my hands. My sister's hose was a different color. Mine was better.
I spent a lot of time on that swing. And on other swings.

Sometimes I could get someone to hold my seat up way high (which was oh so scary to me) and let go. I didn't like it when they did the run unders. I was afraid I might kick them. I don't think I ever did.

Sometimes they would let go with uneven hands and the swing would go all wibblely-wobbley and not stay on it's expected trajectory. That got my nerves going.

Hello.
My name is the mrs.
I've been on a wibbley-wobbley swing.
I've enjoyed the experience, but I'm ready for it to even out.
Coming back here feels like my swing is stopping it's wonky arc.

So, here's where I've been on my swing (in kind of a chronological order):
August 2011 - my youngest child starts full day kindergarten & oldest out of state college- setting off a whole new "who am I & what am I doing with my life" phase.

September 2011 - my mr. comes home with the news that the company he worked for has asked that he no longer work for him. And it wasn't handled very kindly. And the joy just keeps on coming from them. Yesterday, a bill from a doctor appointment that took place 10 days before he was let go (and was totally covered the year before and we still were under the same coverage), came again. Apparently his company (who self insured) doesn't keep their commitments. Surprise.
My fingers slipped a little when I opened that envelope.

October 2011 - hoping to cover some of our family's expenses, I signed up to substitute at the school across the street from our neighborhood. Replacing my "who am I thoughts" with "what can I do to make us come through this unscathed" thoughts.

November 2011 - my mr. thankfully obtained employment locally, leaving us totally humbled and feeling blessed. The way the economy is right now, anything could have happened. The two men who were let go the same day he was are still searching for employment.

Somewhere in there, I was doing my tutoring/brain training in the afternoons & it was totally taking my time away from my children.

By December 2011 - I realized I had to figure out something different.  I got extremely ill over Christmas and pretty much missed the whole holiday week.

January 2012 - Applied  for a part time, title-one tutor job. Got the job. (Ok, I am fuzzy on the timing of this. I was substituting, still healing, taking care of my family & still working with the young women at church. The first seven months of 2012 passed in a blur.)

February 2012 - Started the job.

March 2012 - Liked the job.

April 2012 - I know I lived through April 2012. I know our taxes got done. That is all. It's a blank.

May 2012 - Job ended. Teacher asked me to please come back. School ended. College girl came home to live & work for summer. Took on four brain training clients.

June 2012 - Girls' camp with young women. Fun. Returned to Texas for a dear friend's wedding. She was beautiful & it was an incredible event. Stayed in Texas with three youngest children for a week. Totally fun, even though another sick time for me. That was not fun. Especially since my germs decided to tag team the boys and we've got to have them around until right about now and are still dealing with sinus issues.

July 2012 - Youth Conference in Nauvoo. Whirlwind trip with church youth group. Wonderful time.
Family reunion in Oregon.  We all would like to still be there. 

August 2012 - Had lunch with the teacher I worked with in the spring & found out she was moving out of state. my mr. got called to a new church job. I got released from mine. miss s had her last first day of school under our roof. College girl moved out again and I was sad. And I'm glad I was sad because I wasn't sad when she left last summer. She had done a wonderful job cutting the apron strings and this summer she worked hard and repaired many heart strings.

That puts us here. The night before September 2012.
I'm done training all but one of my clients. The job I had last year has yet to post. Being a Visiting Teacher is the only church job I have (as per my request- I kind of have an in with our new bishop). I'm exercising in the early morning and our house looks kept up. The "who am I" thoughts are sneaking up on me. I went to the temple yesterday. That visit calmed my soul and I will be going again next week. If anything can set my swing straight that place can.

I'm hoping to come out and play again soon.
Hope to see you out here.