Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I am sick.

Picture from here.
There's also an article on how to outsmart the flu at that link.

I don't get sick.
I've been able to say that to myself for quite sometime now.
But, not yesterday and today.

I grew up in a "get up, get dressed, and lets see how you are doing then" kind of a house.  Well, by the time I was up and dressed, I usually was well enough to handle a day.
Not yesterday.
Not today.
I am fairing quite well, but it's almost noon and I am still in my pajamas and that scares me.

It scares me because for so many years, I did wake up, get myself together & go on with life.
But I wasn't healthy.
Days like today make me fear regression.
I will not go back.
It's taken me four long years to get to the point I'm at and I will not go back.

Staying in my pajamas and allowing myself to feel the haze that comes with illness is a very scary thing to me.
It feels like the days when all I could do was care for one of my babies and sit on the couch.
Sometimes I would do laundry.  It would be clean, in a pile.
Sometimes I would cook.  It wouldn't be much.
I would tell myself, "They are safe, they are fed, they are clothed in clean clothing.  It is all you can do right now and it is ok."

I never had an official diagnosis.
But looking back on it, I was very sick.
But I came out of it.
Thank goodness.
Looking back on it, I thought I was just tired. I was wrong.

If I were to go about it again, I would quit trying to be brave and confess and get some help.

And now I am off to snuggle someone on the couch, take care of myself, and heal.
Thank goodness it's just a cold.

6 comments:

  1. It's hard to admit sometimes when we have a problem. I too was sick for a very long time and it wasn't until after I had my youngest and had a serious case of post-partum depression diagnosed that I got the help I needed. I find myself slipping sometimes, and I get myself out of it. This year has been a rough one. My running helps a lot. I'm glad you're human. Thank you so much for posting this. I know it's easy to be a hermit, but if you ever want company...

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  2. I hope you get back to 100% soon. Love ya! Comment posting, may be the security words. I thought I had posted before and then realized that even though it went through, I still had to type in the words and then it was really in. Maybe just a heads up to others that that's the way it works.

    Feel better fast!

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  3. I'm sorry you are sick. But, oh so glad you are well!!

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  4. Hey-thanks you all.
    Laura, I am so glad you were diagnosed. I wish I had been. It's been just recently that I've realized what had happened. And I will take you up on that company offer!

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  5. Sometimes its good to be sick, that way everyone will have to take care of you! :)

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