Wednesday, May 12, 2010

What happened to me: the PostPartum Depression I didn't realize I had

This post isn't for sympathy--this is something I had, not have now.  I just want it out there so if maybe some mom like me might recognize herself in this, she can get help.  I don't want anyone else to have to endure this if they don't have to.

I didn't realize I had PPD when I had it.
I bet most people I was around would never have guessed it.

I put on a smile, coped the best I could and blamed everything on sleep deprivation.
I was wrong.

I had to work very hard to pull myself out of its depths.
I knew something was wrong when my baby was one year old and I still had to gather all my strength just to run to the grocery store.
I signed us up for a baby & mom swim class.
I had to give us a purpose. (Besides taking care of all the other people in our family-I did love that purpose, it just didn't get me going.)
Getting out once a week helped.
Then I started going to the gym a few mornings a week. That helped-when I could get myself together.

Quite a while later, our family found out that we would probably have to move to another state.
Prepping for that, the reality set in.
I had to get it together.
Luckily, my mr. knew he was going to be layed-off for almost nine months and then we had a "trial separation" (only physical-he came to work in our new state, the kids and I stayed behind, finished the school year & got the house ready to sell).  That took another seven months.
I say luckily because I had time.
And I had great people surrounding me-even though they didn't know they were helping.

While I was prepping the house, a very kind woman said, "I am coming over to help you."
And I swallowed my pride and let her in and I am glad I did.
She was a spitfire and cleaned so fast, it overwhelmed me.
Trying to keep up with her put many cracks in that PPD cocoon I had built around me.

The house was on the market and sold, our family reunited for good in our new state.
I started excercising and taking better care of myself. I kept trying. I kept praying.
I keep finding new parts of me that I'd forgotten.

After some fun one night, one of the kids said to me, "Hey mom, you're back. I missed you."
I missed me, too. I'm so glad to be back.

So--here are the symptoms of PPD - remember, it's more than the blues. And if you know anyone going through this, get help. And speak to a medical professional-I am not one of those, I'm just a person who went undiagnosed and lost a lot of time.

Here they are from webMD.--
There are many possible symptoms of postpartum depression, including the following:

Inability to sleep or sleeping a lot, even when the baby is awake.
Change in appetite.
Extreme concern and worry about the baby or a lack of interest or feelings for the baby.
Feeling unable to love the baby or your family.
Anger toward the baby, your partner, or other family members.
Anxiety or panic attacks.
Fear of harming your baby. These thoughts may be obsessive, and you may be afraid to be left alone in the house with your baby.
Sadness or excessive crying.
Difficulty concentrating or remembering.
Feelings of doubt, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, or restlessness.
Lethargy or extreme fatigue.
Loss of interest in hobbies or other usual activities.
Mood swings.
Feeling emotionally numb.
Numbness or tingling in your arms or legs.
Frequent calls to the pediatrician with an inability to be reassured.
Recurrent thoughts of death, which may include thinking about or even planning suicide.
Obsessive-compulsive features, including intrusive, repetitive thoughts and anxiety
Exaggerated highs and lows


  1. Wow darling. I am so glad you feel better now. I think you are a top notch gal!

  2. You are very blessed...that is a very hard thing to deal with...especially with a hubby far away.

  3. Thanks so much for sharing your experience - I'm glad your "back", too :) I like this you!

  4. By the way, I really love your header!


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