wibbley-wobbley swing

I've always loved to swing. When I was little someone put lengths of an old green hose over the chains of my swing on our little swingset to protect my hands. My sister's hose was a different color. Mine was better.
I spent a lot of time on that swing. And on other swings.

Sometimes I could get someone to hold my seat up way high (which was oh so scary to me) and let go. I didn't like it when they did the run unders. I was afraid I might kick them. I don't think I ever did.

Sometimes they would let go with uneven hands and the swing would go all wibblely-wobbley and not stay on it's expected trajectory. That got my nerves going.

Hello.
My name is the mrs.
I've been on a wibbley-wobbley swing.
I've enjoyed the experience, but I'm ready for it to even out.
Coming back here feels like my swing is stopping it's wonky arc.

So, here's where I've been on my swing (in kind of a chronological order):
August 2011 - my youngest child starts full day kindergarten & oldest out of state college- setting off a whole new "who am I & what am I doing with my life" phase.

September 2011 - my mr. comes home with the news that the company he worked for has asked that he no longer work for him. And it wasn't handled very kindly. And the joy just keeps on coming from them. Yesterday, a bill from a doctor appointment that took place 10 days before he was let go (and was totally covered the year before and we still were under the same coverage), came again. Apparently his company (who self insured) doesn't keep their commitments. Surprise.
My fingers slipped a little when I opened that envelope.

October 2011 - hoping to cover some of our family's expenses, I signed up to substitute at the school across the street from our neighborhood. Replacing my "who am I thoughts" with "what can I do to make us come through this unscathed" thoughts.

November 2011 - my mr. thankfully obtained employment locally, leaving us totally humbled and feeling blessed. The way the economy is right now, anything could have happened. The two men who were let go the same day he was are still searching for employment.

Somewhere in there, I was doing my tutoring/brain training in the afternoons & it was totally taking my time away from my children.

By December 2011 - I realized I had to figure out something different.  I got extremely ill over Christmas and pretty much missed the whole holiday week.

January 2012 - Applied  for a part time, title-one tutor job. Got the job. (Ok, I am fuzzy on the timing of this. I was substituting, still healing, taking care of my family & still working with the young women at church. The first seven months of 2012 passed in a blur.)

February 2012 - Started the job.

March 2012 - Liked the job.

April 2012 - I know I lived through April 2012. I know our taxes got done. That is all. It's a blank.

May 2012 - Job ended. Teacher asked me to please come back. School ended. College girl came home to live & work for summer. Took on four brain training clients.

June 2012 - Girls' camp with young women. Fun. Returned to Texas for a dear friend's wedding. She was beautiful & it was an incredible event. Stayed in Texas with three youngest children for a week. Totally fun, even though another sick time for me. That was not fun. Especially since my germs decided to tag team the boys and we've got to have them around until right about now and are still dealing with sinus issues.

July 2012 - Youth Conference in Nauvoo. Whirlwind trip with church youth group. Wonderful time.
Family reunion in Oregon.  We all would like to still be there. 

August 2012 - Had lunch with the teacher I worked with in the spring & found out she was moving out of state. my mr. got called to a new church job. I got released from mine. miss s had her last first day of school under our roof. College girl moved out again and I was sad. And I'm glad I was sad because I wasn't sad when she left last summer. She had done a wonderful job cutting the apron strings and this summer she worked hard and repaired many heart strings.

That puts us here. The night before September 2012.
I'm done training all but one of my clients. The job I had last year has yet to post. Being a Visiting Teacher is the only church job I have (as per my request- I kind of have an in with our new bishop). I'm exercising in the early morning and our house looks kept up. The "who am I" thoughts are sneaking up on me. I went to the temple yesterday. That visit calmed my soul and I will be going again next week. If anything can set my swing straight that place can.

I'm hoping to come out and play again soon.
Hope to see you out here.

My oldest fan died last night . . .

It's quite tragic. When I asked my mr. how long my fan had been around, he said, "Oh, twenty years or so."

Which is an exaggeration.
He does that.
He exaggerates to the positive or bigger almost always.

I say about 15 years. Our association started while we lived in Washington.

But that's all beside the point, because my fan died.

So I went out and got a new one. It's not as stand up as the old one. It's quite boxy, but it gets the job done.

Poor fan. Rest in peace (or pieces-depending on where you end up).

PS- thanks for stopping by. Your visit makes me a big fan of yours. And I promise I'm not blowing hot air. :)

Pretty

This week in the hall at school, there were a lot of children going to and fro in class lines.
I ended up walking next to one young class.

A little girl looked up and me and said something that I wasn't sure I heard correctly,
so I said, "Excuse me, I didn't hear you."

So she said.
"You're pretty."
"I think I look like you, don't you?"

I said, "Yes. I think we do look very much alike and you are pretty."

I said it mostly for her.
Because she was.
I wondered why I felt so strange saying what I said.

"Pretty is as pretty does."
That's one of the loops that's run through my head since I was very little.

I wanted to be pretty, so did pretty.
Sometimes I did ugly, but I felt horrible.
So I tried to not do ugly anymore.
It's not a bad goal to want to be pretty inside and out.

Along the way,
after all these years of practicing,
I stopped looking at the outside.

I started only seeing the inside.
And not only in me.

Then one day, when I was walking down the hall at school,
a little girl I didn't know said to me,
"I think you're pretty."

I guess it worked.

Verification - a gift

a little gift to you for you to see

hope it makes you smile

it sure made me

(especially how the pop up positioned itself right above that headline!)

I've been learning a lot lately and not having the time to choose to use to share with you is so very sad for me.
So I am going to take a few minutes before I go to bed to rest my weary head and let you know what is going on with me, the mrs.

I am working part time now.
Last week, the teacher I work with made a comment to one of the students (after one of the students suggested that I would not be happy with them and do/say something negative) that she seriously doubted that Mrs. the mrs., would be capable of that. That in fact, in the few weeks I've been working with her, she has not seen me not smile.

And I was amazed.
Because she was right.
I go to that little part time job that I found because I was in so much turmoil because the substitute thing was just not right for me and I was not smiling and I was not happy and I was not in a very good place because the plan I had for the beginning of the rest of my life when all my children were in school all day was not working out the way I had envisioned and I had to create a new vision but the vision was very blurry and my current situation was not working for me or my family and I prayed for help.

And my prayer was answered.
All the little details like hours, how it would effect home life, working better one on one or in small groups, my worries about being valued after being 'at home' for all these years, etc.
All were answered.
And I am in awe of our God.
And grateful.

Here's the catch- I am a wife & mom first. Then I have my church calling (job) responsibilities next. Then I have the time I spend during the day at the school. My hours and minutes fill up fast and I love it. But, it leaves little time for me to be here (or in the gym - a place I really need to get back to). I am working on finding balance. For instance, everyone has clean clothes for the coming week and we are having leftovers for dinner tomorrow. I am getting there. I am excited for time in the future months to see how I will make it all fit.

And I will smile.

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FYI - I am working at an elementary school in the town just north of us (not far at all). I am a Title 1 Reading Tutor. I have a name badge and even a desk (that I don't sit at much)! The days go fast, so I know I am enjoying it. I really believe this job was made just for me!

A Little Worn Out

These little shoes say it all.
At last Saturday's game, little mr. j's soles came loose.
It was hard for him to run and even after my mr. taped them up (again and again), he still ran a little awkwardly.

The last few month's my souls been a little loose. My glued expectations came off. We taped me up the best we could and I think I am becoming more comfortable.

little mr. j used his regular school shoes in tonight's game. They worked fine. His little team was seated 5th in their tournament and they ended up winning 3rd place.

my mr. taped me up. Helped me create an impressive resume from a life where I thought not much had been accomplished. Encouraged me and has been patient. I feel like I almost have my regular shoes on again.

Thank heavens!

I will be going to work tomorrow at a job perfectly suited to me and I will be back home to give hugs when school gets out, make sure the backpacks get cleaned out and put away, and take care of the dear souls I'm blessed to call family.
-------------------------------------
Ok, friends, this post is something new for me. I'm typing it on a smartphone and hope all turns out alright. Please let me know if you see anything wonky.

I write

but not lately.

Just wanted you to know that I have not fallen off the face of the earth.

Real life's just needed a lot of my attention.

I miss here.

I will be back.

Love,
the mrs.

Sunday School

Since I have been away, the snarky bugs have taken hold.
That and my computer is now mute.
Not deaf, just mute.
little mr. b asked me if I would like him to fix it.
I declined.
This poor machine has been through enough.
You have been warned.

For today's Sunday School, we are watching a video.
One that makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.
I especially love the second verse.
Have a beautiful day of rest.

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{{Hugs}} to my Tebow loving friends-

I do appreciate the faith, just not what the world has warped his outward expressions into.

(I hope I added the correct video.)