portrait of baby by little mr. j
Before we get into this, I want you to know something about little mr. j.
He is a go getter.
He makes things happen.
Last Saturday I cut my boys' hair. (Even my mr.'s.)
It's a selfish economic deal really. I save money on their hair so I can spend it on mine.
The clippers are easy and they usually come out looking pretty handsome.
(Side note: The clippers I bought this time have the coolest eyebrow attachment. We're keeping very good care of my mr.'s old man bushy brows.)
It's a very fun time.
Lots of interesting conversation.
And it all takes place in my bathroom.
My bathroom, where earlier in the day a tweener son decided to go through some drawers that belong to me. His mother. Who is female.
This is how the conversation went:
my mr., "little mr. b, why don't you ask your mom what those things you found in her drawer are for?"
little mr. b (with- I can't believe you said that dad- eyes), "mom, what are those things in your bottom drawer for?"
the mrs., "little mr. b, did you get in my drawer?" (purpose-to buy time and to think how I was going to get back at my mr. for not dealing with it when he knew about it --so not fair.)
little mr. b, "yes."
the mrs., "well, you know how mom's have babies, right? (he nodded head) well, the babies grow in a place in the mom's abdomen called the uterus."
At this point I have decided that my revenge to my mr. would be honesty. As totally honest as possible-as far as I could take it. It's time little mr. b knew and I knew it would make my mr. un-com-fort-able.
the mrs. continues: "Every month, the uterus gets ready, just in case a baby gets made and it needs a healthy place to grow. If an egg doesn't get fertilized by some sperm, there isn't a baby, the stuff that lines the uterus has to empty out. That stuff that lines the uterus is blood and about once a month, a women's body bleeds."
little mr. b, "Where does it come out?"
I'm not writing this part. You know it.
We talked about how the female body is different than the male body.
little mr. b, "So how do you use that stuff? Do you swallow it?"
fyi-said stuff he is referring to are called tampons.
I'm not writing this part either. You know it.We talked about how the female body is different than the male body.
Then, because, I wanted to make my mr. squirm, I said, "and did you see those other things in there? The ones that look kind of like skinny diapers? Well, those are called pads and women use those, too."
And then, because the conversation was going swimmingly,
I added, "Would you like to know how sperm fertilize the eggs and how babies get made?"
little mr. b did not.
I had forgotton that little mr. j was sitting next to his dad, listening to this.
little mr. j wants a baby.
In a very bad way.
He jumped up and said, "YES, YES, YES, I want to know how to make a baby!"
I stopped there.